Review Text The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Everybody has their own list of Crappy Movies You Can’t Help Watching and the Twilight movies have a prominent place on mine. With a few exceptions, notably Billy Burke as Charlie Swan, the acting is from hunger, the storyline improbable (vampires are improbable enough, but sparkly vampires? Who’da thunk it?), and character development is practically non-existent. But the first two movies did have a certain silly charm, especially Robert Pattinson’s self-deprecating performance as Edward Cullen (and my God, he is so gorgeous he should have his own pin-up calendar), and Ashley Greene as his ditzy sister. I can’t help liking her. Kristin Stewart is just plain irritating but I guess we’re stuck with her until the series is over. More’s the pity.

Last night I caught “Eclipse” on PPV TV and a sillier, more inane movie I’ve never watched in ages. The back stories add nothing to the plot, Kristen Stewart is even more irritating if that’s possible, and the whole “triangle” between Bella, Jacob and Edward is such a farce I couldn’t help laughing. There is no triangle to speak of, actually; only Jake’s inability to accept no for an answer. There were two things I liked about this film: one was the new actress who plays Victoria, and the other was Edward’s touching explanation of why he insists on no sex before marriage: he wants to re-live the old-fashioned way of courtship he was cheated of when he was made a vampire. Kind of sweet, when you think about it.
Taken as a whole, however, “Eclipse” adds up to two hours of nothing. Even the intrusion of the evil Volturi toward the movie’s end seems more like an afterthought tacked onto the story. “Twilight” and “New Moon” still occupy a place on my Crappy Movies You Can’t Help Watching list, but “Eclipse” has earned a spot on my other list of Crappy Movies I Don’t Care If I Never Watch Again.

The Other Review Text Examples

  1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7)
  2. Hitler Was a British Agent
  3. Cashflow Quadrant: Rich Dad’s Guide to Financial Freedom
  4. Rich Dad, Poor Dad
  5. Gone with the Wind
  6. The Godfather
  7. The Dark Knight
  8. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
  9. 2012
  10. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never

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